Doing nothing.

There are days when nothing works the way you want to. Today is such a day. The DH is extremely disgruntled at his job. He hates it. He is overworked (came home at 10 pm yesterday) and totally stressed out. He is actively looking for a change in a new company but nothing seems to be working out. But I am sure it will, eventually.

And me? I have quite a bit of writing work to do but I am just not feeling like getting down and doing it. It's cloudy and the rain is pattering down lazily. I am sitting with my laptop on the bed with a cup of tea and Bisk Farm's 'Just Ginger' for company (the biscuit is quite good too!). Anyway, the very fact that I am writing a blog post is proof of the fact that I am not working. I know I should. I am sure I will write today. It's so difficult to work when it's so easy to just visit random blogs or log onto Facebook.

I really really wish I had a normal 9 to 5 job where someone would be breathing down my neck to get work done all the time! But circumstances are such that it's just not possible. Not at the moment. So I have to continue working from home for some time at least.

Let's hope it works.

To end on a fun note, here's something I found:

Reading 'East of Eden'

I am reading a book called 'East of Eden' by John Steinbeck. It has won the Nobel Prize as well as been recommended by Oprah for her Book Club apart from winning several other awards. Now, I for one, stay away from award-winning books. Probably because I started reading 'God of Small Things' (it won the Booker) when I was 15 and was very disappointed. Award-winning great books don't work for me. Give me a murder mystery any day! But this book is different.

I have just reached the halfway mark and I am reading it slow because I don't want it to finish! It's one of those books you want to savour slowly because you know its going to be fantastic. It's not really 'unputdownable'. More of a 'to be read slowly with love'-type. Whatever it is, I had to write this while I am in the process of reading it or may be I will forget the feelings I am going through!


Lovely read it promises to be!

A thought on marriage

I really really believe that in a marriage, the couple should give each other the No. 1 priority, nothing more nothing else. In each and every matter. It's really not about marrying into a family, as so many Indian movies and hindi serials try to prove. Its actually about marrying an individual, someone you love. So no matter what, your partner's happiness should come first, no questions asked. If your partner is putting his family before you for whatever reason, then there is something wrong. I know a lot of people don't agree with me, but I really can't help it. To expect a person to start loving another person's family and putting their needs before their own just because the said person got married is unnatural and just wrong. Yes, it is. A marriage is only about the couple and no one else. Why is it so difficult for so many people to accept it?

I so-oo need a career change!

I am so-oo looking forward to a 'normal' working life. The thing is, I am extremely happy with my content writing career and would love to do nothing else for the rest of my life. But the problem is, I just can't work solitary. After more than two-and-a-half years of working from home, I have realized that I need to get out of the house. I need to have people around me and I need to talk to them. I just can't spend the rest of my working life (and I am only in my 20's) in my pajamas, sitting with my laptop open on the bed. I just can't. I need to feel the pressures of a hectic office culture and I want to dress up every day in the morning and go to work. I need to feel the thrill of being appreciated by my boss and colleagues and yearly bonuses and increments. I really do! And so, I have started looking for a normal 9 to 5 job! Got the DH too on the project and he has agreed to look out for job openings. Let's see how it all works out. :D

So? I am the way I am.

Things about me:

1. I get pissed off with a lot of people.
2. I have little or no patience most of the time.
3. I don't like to cook alone. Me and DH cook together. All the time.
4. I get up late most days and the DH makes morning tea. And serves it with biscuits.
5. On days my maid doesn't come, I don't do 'jhaaroo' or wipe floors. I just don't have the time or the motivation. I would rather write or read a book.
6. I wear shorts and noodle strap tops at home. 
7. I can't do small talk with my neighbors. 
8. I don't let the neighbor's kid play on my laptop. I don't even let him touch it.
9.  Me and DH fight most days about silly things at the top of our voices. And then we make up and go out for a walk holding hands.

Does any of these make me a bad person or wife? I think not.

I am a nice person. Period.

I really don't think I am an unfriendly or unsocial sort of person. I really don't. I love being in the company of like-minded people and I was never short of friends in school, college and later, work. I always found it easy to talk to people even if they didn't have the same opinion about things as me and went the extra way by ignoring not-so-likable things about them. Now you must be wondering why I am trying to prove myself to be a nice person. The reason is because these days I find it extremely difficult to strike up friendships with neighbors. After I got married that is. And since I am a work-at-home girl, neighbors are important.  And presumably people get the opinion that I am 'snobby' and 'I don't like people'. Both of which are totally untrue.

I find it extremely difficult to be over-friendly with my neighbors. I have one staying right beside me. I mean, I always smile and say "How are you?" and chat for a couple of minutes when I see the lady, but that's it. I just don't have it in me to knock at her door and ask to come in for a chat. She in fact, has been to my house for a couple of times and has always asked me to drop by. But even if I am sitting at home doing nothing and basically getting bored out of my head I always wonder whether she is going to be busy doing something and may be it would inconvenience her if I called on her. Silly of me? I think not. She has three kids, all under the age of 12, even though she is not much older than me. She also has her MIL living with her. Am I wrong in being thoughtful and assuming that she will be too busy to chat with me? Or am I socially paranoid? Or is it that I am selective?

The thing is that we (me and the DH) are finding it difficult to relate to people here. It's not really where we want to live. This is not a city but a town. Now I have nothing against towns or townspeople, don't get me wrong. It's just that both of us have spent all our lives in big cities (me in a metro) and we just cannot adjust here. But he has been posted here by his company, so what are we supposed to do? He is looking for a change and the moment he gets a good offer we will shift to a bigger city. I mean, there's not even a cinema hall here, forget multiplexes. There's absolutely no form of entertainment for young people like us. What's more, people here don't know that they are actually missing something. Hardly any women work here, and since I work from home they think I am a non-worker too. Someone actually said, "Why do you sit on the computer all day? It's not that you get paid .. Your husband is the bread-winner, isn't he?" This was after I explained to the person what exactly my job profile was and who my clients were. That got my goat.

Anyway, enough bitching for one day! Have a great weekend!

I am writing again!

It feels good to be able to write again. I don't know what happened to me the last couple of months. I just felt too lazy to sit down on my computer and do some real work. Instead, I would just log in to Facebook and waste my time. FB is such a time-killer, isn't it? I also got bored watching Star World and Zee Cafe all day. I mean, the programs are way better than the Hindi serials on offer, but too much of it will get anyone bored.

It's the last day of June and it is also our anniversary month. Yay! We had a lovely anniversary in Shillong. We fought on our anniversary too! It's as if, if we don't fight we miss something! Its funny, our fights that is. We fight about totally inconsequential things. Actually, its me who fights. The DH just listens and tries to end the argument. So anyway, we had a small fight on our first anniversary too and that made matters good between us. By the way, fights lead to great sex, doesn't it? :P

I really wish there were some readers on my blog. :-( Guess I just have to continue blogging and the readers will follow. Fingers crossed.

Why is my family like this?

The problem with me is that little things bother me a lot. A word said, a look given or an action, have a lot more effect on me that they should. I get hurt very easily. I would love it if I can turn a deaf ear to things people say, but I can't. I over-analyse everything and this makes me feel sad a lot of times.

My father and stepmother have this way of making me feel guilty about things that I have not even done. My stepmother especially. She will take a small thing and she will turn it to be something very big. This has increased after I got married and moved out.The latest thing that happened was that my phone's SIM had got corrupted somehow and refused to work. I couldn't make any calls nor would the phone show any contacts. At first I thought that the problem was with the phone but then DH took out the SIM and put in inside another phone and the latter refused to work too. Anyway, since my family had gone on a 2-day vacation, I didn't call to inform them about this incident. I thought that I would tell them when they returned. Apparently they were calling me and after not getting through, they called up my IL's place to know what was happening. My MIL said that nothing was wrong and that we had talked to her just the other day. The MIL also called up DH and asked him to tell me to call up my family. And I did. The stepmother started telling me that I should have informed them. I told her that they could have easily called up DH and not my IL's if they wanted to know my whereabouts. (No-brainer, isn't it?). She said that my father was so worried about me that he drank too much . (Really? My father drinks too much all the time!) If they were so worried about me, couldn't they have called up on DH's phone? He does have a phone you know, and they have his number! But no, they wouldn't call him! If they had, they wouldn't make me feel how irresponsible I was, could they?

So anyway, I am getting a new SIM within the next few days. The problem is that the place where we live, it's difficult to get a prepaid SIM within a day. So it may take a couple of days.

Someone might think that all this is too small to be bothered about, but as I said at the beginning of the post: I get bothered by little things! Okay, now for the GOOD NEWS! Since yesterday I have resumed my content writing work. It means a lot because I had completely stopped working for more than 2 months. I just couldn't write! I spent the whole day reading, watching television and mindless web surfing. But now I am back in action! I have no idea what caused the temporary block! I fervently hope that my writing doesn't come to a standstill ever again.

I am really hard to get rid of the negativity around me. I really wish that I find a way to do so. I would love if someone commented! I really need it!

My first rant

Since this is my first post on the blog, I am sure nobody is going to read it. But at the state of mind I am in, I hardly care. I created this blog in a fit of depression. I do have an inactive blog I used to post in before my real identity got out and hence I am totally going to be an anonymous blogger from now on. At least I will strive to. It's not as if I am a terrorist or an anti-social who is up to no good. It's just that anonymity gives you a kind of freedom to write about things that bother you, things that creep into your mind and doesn't let go, things that you don't want to talk about even with people who love you to death (the DH, in my case). Yes, I have started this blog to give a vent to my thoughts and feelings and how much good some people are at pissing me off.

I am wife to a very loving husband and I work from home (or I did, till 2 months back). I stay alone with my DH and the IL's are states away so there is hardly anything the matter on that front. I also have a father, a stepmother and a stepsister (a very loving sis at that) with whom I share a love-hate relationship. I will explain things later on but for now let's just say that what they don't do or say hurts me more sometimes than what they actually do or say.

Anyway, hope someone comes in and if you do, feel free to comment as I would love it if somebody said something to me NOW. Yes, I am desperate that way.

Guess this is the most depressing first post ever you have read on a blog, eh? That's me.